if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Drunk is not a location!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
