So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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