Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
