Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
