Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Help me help you realize you are a moron
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
