It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
