Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
