You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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