Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
