I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
