What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
