take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
