Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You ate ashes out of my bong
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
