We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
