yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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