Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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