I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
