And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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