dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
