Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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