Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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