If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
