You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
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