make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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