when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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