I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
