I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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