oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
