fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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