billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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