OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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