I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
