What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
