I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
