Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
