That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
