Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he just fucked me for my cheese.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
