And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
