I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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