He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
