Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
