I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
