I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
