Yo dont text me then not text me
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
