I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We're too hungover to prance.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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