I want to stick my p in your. b.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
