Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
