Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
