youre lurking in front of me
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
