'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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