I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
