i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
