youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
